Today I am angry.

Anger calls for action, it is a good fuel. Highely explosive. Numbs the perception, numbs thinking, rages like a bull that calls for the offer and for the victim. Pushes, not only against the object, thing, person, action that caused it, but everything around it. Everything in it's way.

Anger is a massive energy.

Anger that is expired turns to sadness and needs to settle somewhere. Mostly it settles in our physical and emotional body like a little grain (I'd know).

Anger is a fascinating e-motion.

If we only knew how to direct that power, it could be transformed into something constructive. What good might come from this?
The teaching of the Buddha is that anger can never remove anger. Anger can only promote more anger. Only understanding and compassion can put down the flame of anger in us and in the other person. Understanding and compassion is the only antidote for anger.
Easier said than done, right?

Buddhist propose a calming, breathing exercise for immediate anger: an Anger Mantra. It goes like this: "Breathing in, I know that anger is here. Breathing out, I know that the anger is not me."

I think the proces begins by identifying and acknowledging the emotion. Setting it aside yourself. Seeing it as separate from yourself.

Today I was very angry. Tried breathing. Looked (and in my dual, split perception tried hard not to find it) and tried to figure out what is the opposite of anger. Is that gratitude? Yes. Is it positivity such as "counting my blessings"? Or is it maybe "looking at the bright side of things"? Why should others get away with being or doing as they did (me wrong)?
Time ago I've red that holding onto anger is like "drinking a poison and wishing the other person would die of it." There is so much truth in this quote. Then I reminded myself of the two wolves that one might feed and anger being one of them. Yes, right, feeling the wrong one right now.

Then I felt, I need to deal with my anger. Not muff it, not distract it or from it. And so I did. Seconds passed, the adrenaline was flooding my body and causing mental rage. As soon as I stayed with it, I was breathing, seconds turend to minutes. With every passing minute I could calm down bit easier. Tiny bit by bit. Minutes turned into hours.

I still feel injustice, I still count my blessings and try to see a bigger picture. I try to learn my lesson. That thinking separates me more and more from my anger. Preventing it hopefully from settling in my body.

The chain of thought led me to Kali. I must face my inner Kali.
Funny enough " Kali is the goddess of power of creation and destruction in one entity. She is is the goddess of time, change, and destruction. She is the energy current inside of woman that is wild, empowered and all loving. This energy is deeply involved in the life/death / life cycle to keep a person growing and transforming… " There you go. I can live with that. I can embody that. There is growth promised. There will be something good laboured out of my anger, rage and passion… hopefully.

So will try to go inside. And please dear Karma, take care of the cause of my anger. ;) Preferably in slow, bloody, painful way.

Wish me luck.

X